You won't have to look up at the stars, no no

I realize that some people have been hurt by this post, and for that I apologize, you must remember that these are merely my rantings of the moment, and not meant to be offensive to anyone. I love you all, if I didn't you wouldn't get to me as much as you do, so don't let my rants on a blog effect you so much. I won't delete it, because it's how I feel... if you choose to take it personally, then I'm sorry to have hurt you... It isn't directed at anyone in particular, it's just feelings, and we're all a little bit irrational sometimes, so give me a break and allow me to express myself without taking offense, please.

Merry Christmas.

"You could write a book about the complexities of the relationships in your family.."

my best friend said this to me today, and it's so very true. They love me when I'm gone, and hate me when I'm here... resent me when I'm wandering the world, and beg me to come home. It's a wretched dichotomy that I'm afraid I will never truly understand. Loving and hating someone at the same time: My family thrives on this... it's how we survive, it's what forces the blood through our veins-- I'm convinced.
How can a place be home and you still feel like an intruder every time you're there? How can you live somewhere and yet be expected not to exist there? How can you be expected to leave no evidence of that pathetic excuse for an existence? How can someone have your "best interest in mind" all while doing their best to hinder any advancement you attempt?

Much less, why are they stuck so far under my nails, under my skin, in my veins, constantly weighing heavy on my bones?

These aches are too old for this body, to wise for this mind and too deep for this ocean.