The way things are.

I realize I haven't written in awhile, that's really because not much has happened that's worth writing about. My niece is 15 months old now, walking and trying to say words, though most of them sound the same... she's amazing and has the potential to be so great someday... I hope the cards she's been delt allow her to be as great as she can be. She really is the coolest tiny little person ever, and the only person I think I would kill someone for.
I've started a new job a UAMS (a hospital in Little Rock) and am taking pre-reqs to get into a Nursing program... I'm looking at Philadelphia. There are good programs at Drexel and Jefferson. I don't think I can handle Little Rock for long enough to do nursing school here. NOOOOPE. hahaha. I do love my job thus far! Its awesome! I'm moving into a new Apartment on the 3rd, which I'm SUPER excited about! I have to figure out furniture, but I'm not too worried about that... it'll come.

Now, I'm really writing because I have something on my mind, and nowhere to say it, so here we go:
We all have moments when we sit back and say "wow, this really is... this really is what it is." I know, it sounds silly, but you know I'm right. When you realize that you have what you have, only you can change that, despite the urge you may have to expect other people to change it for you.
On that same note, there is a point in most of our lives when we look back on all of the mistakes we've made, and all of the triumphs we've had and are able to say "wow, I did that." It becomes an issue when all you can see are your own triumphs and are unable to admit that your mistakes are indeed YOUR mistakes... no one elses.
This is something that's really been bothering me lately: people that can't take responsibility for their own actions. We all make mistakes, and if we're lucky, we're able to learn from them... if we are mature enough to take responsibility for them. However, if we're not, we could spend years angry at the world because of how hard our lives have been. Not that some people aren't delt shitty hands, don't get me wrong... but sometimes, you choose the cards. Sometimes you get the choice between an Ace or a 3, and if you choose the 3... that's your bad... now of course, that depends on the game, but I think most of you get my drift. If you are offered a drug addiction... you have the choice to refuse it. If you don't, that's your choice. Nobody put that drug into your veins... you did. You can be mad at the people that offered it to you, gave it to you, or even pressured you into doing it... but no one FORCED you to do it. That was your decision... right? Or am I just way off point here?
I'm tired of people being victims, being bitter and hateful because "I've had such a shitty life", particularly when those people CHOSE. If you come from the same blood and the same situation as someone who has a completely different life, that is because of choices... not because you haven't had choices. Its because you made the WRONG choices. So, own up to it. Stop being an asshole to the people that love you and learn to appreciate that you had people that cared enough to stick by you despite the fact that you treat them like crap. Learn to appreciate the fact that people forgive you and forgive you and forgive you for your bad moods, for your constant hatefulness, selfishness and materialism. Learn to appreciate the fact that you have a family that loves you. Stop being such a selfish asshole, lest you end up alone.
Now, I can feel myself getting angry... but its REALLY been getting to me lately. It isn't fair to the people that care about you. So, if you're a person who believes the whole world has shit on you, take a look around, take a look at yourself. The likelihood is that you shat on yourself... and that, my dears, is noone else's fault. Its yours. Deal with it.

Lyrics to a song I wrote about this exact thing. Its a beautiful song, and I think the bridge sums up what I mean perfectly. WOO.

I've made mistakes,
and I've apologized,
but you are so hateful...
and so quick to criticize.
Yes, I mess up,
and make bad decisions,
but I think I've earned--
just a little consideration.

But if perfection won't do,
neither will I...
If I'll only fail,
why should I try?
Cause you weren't the glue
that held me together...
No I'm not falling apart over a broken forever...
I deserve more than that.

You'll patronize,
and throw out insults,
one after another,
with no results.
You'll be ignored,
and left all alone...
and you'll be unnerved,
when you're kicked off your throne...

But if perfection won't do,
neither will I...
If I'll only fail,
why should I try?
Cause you weren't the glue
that held me together...
No I'm not falling apart over a broken forever...
I deserve more than that.

You made mistakes...
Made bad decisions...
You're such a victim,
and the only one to blame...
You made your bed,
and now you can't sleep,
with the nightmares you lived,
that are haunting your dreams.

But if perfection won't do,
neither will I...
If I'll only fail,
why should I try?
Cause you weren't the glue
that held me together...
No I'm not falling apart over a broken forever...
I deserve more than that,
I deserve more than that...
yes, I deserve more than that...

And that's what I'll have.


I have learned, with time, that my mistakes are mine and noone else's, and, frankly, I'm sick of being blamed for other people's regrets. I have my own. You will never be happy until you realize that YOU have control over your own life...

I'm sorry you're so miserable.