Holidays + Revelations= Resolve.

Well, I will start at December. December was probably the longest month of my life. My only consistent friend in Thailand went back to America, so I was on my own. I got really depressed, lonely, I was to a point of just giving up... really. Christmas was okay, I didn't do much. I went to a co-teacher's house and had an okay time... laughed some. I was just so down. I was ready to quit. It got to the point where the weekend before Christmas was spent laying in my bed alternating between sobbing and sleeping, and watching the movie "Waitress" several times (awesome movie). So, I emailed a couple of my dear dear friends, asking them what I should do... they both said "you could come home, and NO one would fault you for it. You've tried..." One of them said that she never understood why I came here alone in the first place, and I realized then that I don't understand it either... I just HAD to. Then, the other one said "no one would fault you... but you would. You would hate yourself." And it was literally a sigh of relief to know that someone GETS that about me. I know that no one else would think I was a loser, or that I had failed... but I WOULD'VE haaaaated myself, to a point that I'm not sure I could've dealt with it. I said I was going to do this, and I am. So, that sunday, I spoke to my mom and she said "come home! Just COME HOME" and that's when the "stubborn bitch" in me kicked in, and I said to myself... "No, Paige, You said you were going to do this, and DAMN IT, you ARE. and you're going to LOVE it." So, I got on facebook and found some people, started sending out some emails just trying to make connections in Chiang Mai, which was good. I joined a gym, and have gone 3 times since the 1st... I came to a point where it was like "either hate this or love this, it's COMPLETELY up to you." and I think that was the biggest thing, realizing that for the first time in my life, I am completely in control. I am not in school, I don't live with anyone, no one is telling me to get up in the morning, no one is telling me to eat, or what decisions to make but ME. And THAT, my friends, is why I had to do this... because I needed to grow up, I needed to become my own person...still do.
The biggest breakthrough, though, was New Years eve. The people I was supposed to hang out with had said the night before "Yeah, we'll have a get together at our house, so just call us tomorrow." I sent a text message around 6 that evening (after laying in bed ALL day...) and asked if they needed me to bring anything... and I got in response "We're not having anything, we're a Pii A's (their friend) house, and everyone wants to stay here, so we're staying here." That's all... that's all I got, from the only two people that I know in Thailand... no "do you wanna come? Are you okay... we know you live COMPLETELY ALONE and are having a hard time?" nothing... so, I laid in my bed till about 7:30, Then got pissed off, and said "hell no. Get up. Get dressed, and damn it. Go OUT" So, that's what I did. I got pretty, and I went out. I wound up running into Bui, who helped with my study abroad here, and speaks fluent English in an Australian accent... she's absolutely lovely. Anyway, in crowds of, literally, THOUSANDS of people, she found me. She was out with 3 really really cool Australian people, and we ended up going to this bar called the "Rooftop" bar, because... it's a rooftop, and SWEET, and I met loads of people... including the people I hung out with last night... It was the BEST New Years eve, hands down. The BEST. I am so empowered, and proud of myself, I love it. I feel GOOD. So, after I got HOME that morning, haha, 3 am... I talked to a couple of people, and then my brother called me! We talked for awhile about what I had just done, and how I was proud of myself, and things he wanted me to bring him from Thailand, and all that... and THEN, he asked me if I would be the GODMOTHER of my niece that's coming in March!! AHHH! Happy New year! What else could I really want? really? I LOVE that little girl, and she's not even OUT yet! I'm so... honored... yeah. I didn't expect it, but I am so excited. I'm gonna be SUCH a sweet Aunt. Just WAIT. So, yes, definitely the best New years eve ever. Might not ever be beat... we'll see. (that picture is me and Rachel on the King's b-day, I don't have any New Years pictures, I'm trying to get them from my Australians! Soon Soon!!)
2008 Thus far:
Tuesday afternoon I went to the gym for the first time... and met my soulmate. His name is Thon, and he has no IDEA that he's my soulmate, but he will someday... when I get the nerve (and know how to say it in thai) to tell him. He is BEAUTIFUL. After that, I met up with a girl from New Jersey, named Zoe and had coffee and just talked for about 2 hours about life, really about ourselves, because we don't know each other. we met on my birthday, and have been meaning to get together just... haven't. Anyway, it was classic. Then a guy with a mullet named will, who I have named "will, the mullet master" from Louisiana started talking to us... and it was funny, because we were both like "What....? You have a mullet." lol. That was great. Then that evening I met up with Bui and the Aussies again, and had a grand time eating Indian food and chatting.
Thursday night, I met up with a woman named Karen, at the UN Irish pub for "quiz night" she's one of the people I found on Facebook. She is wonderful... wonderful. She's English, but is married to a Thai man, and has lived here for 4 years. She's in her late 30s, but she's WONDERFUL. She gave me a pep talk after everyone had left for the night, and I cried a little, and she was okay with that... and I NEEDED someone to be okay with that. She told me that I can do this, and that it IS hard, and not to beat myself up so much. And I needed someone that has DONE this to say that. It was great.
So, this is the funniest part... Last night I went out with this couple I met on New Years Eve... Tony and Eliza, and their friend Jake... Anyway, we went to this Jazz bar, and, oh I wish I had it on tape. You guys would CRAP. Okay, we go and it's a guitar and a guy playing sax, both Thai... both UNBELIEVABLY good musicians. Like, amazing, and there's this like, 65 year old thai man sitting in the corner wearing a black t-shirt, tucked IN to black spandex and a black like, fisherman hat. He's got shoulder length frizzy black with gray mixed in hair, he's playing the bongos, wind-chimes, bells and naturally, the triangle... and he's absolutely WASTED... so, during one of the jams, he stops playing his wind-chimes, and grabs the microphone and just starts RAMBLING in drunk Tinglish, it went on for about a half hour, and may have been the funniest thing I have EVER seen in my life... at one point he says "I'm an oldie... an OLLLLDIE..." and then does that old man drunk laugh and says "An oldie but goodie" and does a subtle pelvic thrust, and then he started going on about how we all should... "You should go you own waaay.. go you own way. I go my, you go you own too. I'm an oldie, but I got soul" and then he throws up a peace sign and goes back to his wind-chimes. hahahahaha. I was LOSING it. Also, while he was doing this, the guitarist kept playing, but the Sax player found this like, bird whistle, and was doing that, and then going over the wind chimes and the bells... oh my gosh. It was seriously PRICELESS. I wish I had it on tape, but I've lost my charger.
Okay, so after this we go to this Reggae Bar, where there's a band that consists of a lead singer/guitarist, who is a very very FAT Thai man with a massive afro, I mean, he probably hides poodles in it. It was HUGE, and he was a horrible singer, and a Thai bassist, who looks so Mexican, for a moment I thought I had moved to Mexico. He was short, wearing a blue-jean jacket with fur on the collar and he had shoulder length, GORGEOUS like, jet-black hair. Anyway, at one point this extremely tall Russian man stands up an dis like flailing all over the place, he was emaciated skinny, and looked SOOO funny. Anyway, it was priceless.
So, at the end of the night, after sitting and talking to these three HYSTERICAL people for hours, Jake and I decide to go to this burger joint, where I got a bowl of chilli that I couldn't finish because it was too damn spicy. Anyway, we're walking there, and this prostitute says "hey big boy" to Jake, who is like, so skinny... and girly. But, this prostitute was what they call in Thai, a KAtouey, which is a man that has a sex change and becomes a woman. They're SUPER common here, so "she" was like, bigger than Jake, and it made me really sad. Then later I saw "her" hitting on this old white, fat, man and walking away. *sigh*
So, anyway, We're sitting there eating and we hear this loud CRASH, and I get up and run over, and there's this old man (probably 70) who has crashed his motorbike into the curb because he was SO drunk that he fell asleep, and STAYED asleep on the ground, in the middle of traffic. I know, you're probably thinking "he probably passed out" but no, We were able to wake him. I tried to tell him in Thai that he shouldn't drive anymore, but the two Thai guys helping me just looked at me like I had done something horribly wrong, but in a sweet way... like "she's just trying to be nice" look, but, "no, don't say that", because there's this whole STUPID Asian idea of "saving face" which means you can't look incapable, or like you can't do anything, especially for older men, and young women CERTAINLY do not tell older men that they shouldn't do ANYTHING. So, it was bad, but the man could've died. Anyway, that was a 30 minute episode. A SCARY thing, I tell you. Scary. So, THEN, I go back to my chilli, and this obnoxious bunch of whiteys come over, 2 irish guys and 2 American girls and this one irishman is going on about drinking whiskey with a dead snake in the bottle, and pulls a tiny whiskey bottle with a snake in it and slams it down on the table.. .and starts going on about how it's good for the sex drive, and about the size of his penis. Meanwhile, I'm thinking "You probably have the TIIIINIEST penis ever, if you have to go on about it in front of complete strangers, who obviously couldn't care LESS about your penis" anyway, after we left, I looked back,and this Irishman was sitting in my seat, eating my half eaten, spicy ass chilli. haha. Then I went home, and went to bed. That's my whole night... ohhhh Thailand.
So, life is looking good these days. I'm working out... I'm meeting people, making friends, laughing... and I am LOVING my life, absolutely LOVING it. I'm teaching more now, so I'm making lesson plans, and I will write more on that later, because, well, this is CRAZY long.

life. is. beautiful. ... I just forgot for a bit.