Started as a flicker meant to be a flame...

Did I mention that my life is awesome...

just a reminder.

"(Do not )....Drop it like its hot.... (in the village)."

I woke up Friday morning and thought to myself "I don't know if I really feel up to this". I was supposed to go to this village in Chiang Rai (6 hours away...) to teach English, and that's all I knew. But, simply because I didn't want to disappoint my friend, or 20 monks... I went, despite my cramps and tiredness. And I will never... ever be able to express how amazing it was.
I arrived at Wat Chedi Luang at 8 am, helped pack the songtaows (pickup trucks with 2 benches in the backs..) with clothes that the monks had collected, as well as saplings that we would be planting in the village and food and other things... and we left. The first hour, we were peering through trees lined in the middle of this truck at like 6 monks, trying to talk through trees. haha. Then we stopped at one of the monks houses for lunch, which was awesome... I tasted tobacco... like, chewed the leaf, they put salt in it and you chew it up... it was DISGUSTING. I also tried Thai rice whiskey, which was really nice... no burn. it was good.
Then we switched trucks, and went for the next 4 hours in other songtaows that were a little bumpier and the fumes were worse... I had so much fun on the ride though. We just goofed off like crazies. Monks are funny funny people.After about 3 hours like that, we stopped again and switched trucks AGAIN to go onto the dirt roads through the mountains... which were amazing, I still have bruises on my bum from all of the bumps!
When we got there, these little boys all ran out to greet us! It was wonderful. Then we played soccer with them for about 2 hours, Beth Squashed one pretty bad, he's probably still complaining about his bruises from that huge white girl crushing him on Friday., but it was so so so much fun. "that little kid is probably like... 'MAN! we have all the huge people and we're STILL losing!"
Then we had dinner, sang songs, played with kids... listened to monks... had a meeting and went to bed in our school room, that was freeeeeezing cold, and the floor was hard, like a floor should be, but I slept a pretty solid 4 hours I think.
We played games for a little while, dances around in circles, and then ate breakfast and taught... we taught our class animals, and tried to get them to recognize the spellings... it was so much fun. Hint: no matter HOW old the kids are, singing "head and shoulders, knees and toes" is STILL a blast. After class, which ended at 11:30, we got lunch and played some more... I mean, we played hard. We played games until 4:30 in the afternoon. During this 'game playing time" an Akha lady dressed beth in her entire Akha outfit, it was amazing! Beth was dancing around like a PRO. "Why you tryin' to be Akha?" haha. I must say, she did make quite a stunning Akha lady, the chuck taylors definitely added to the outfit. As did the GORGEOUS little kids in their cute little hats. That was an awesome display of Akha fun-loving-ness.
WE practiced our Akha dance moves (I'm horrible at them... I think it has to do with the outfit Beth had the outfit, so she did better, it has nothing to do with natural inclinations... at all.)
I have never laughed so much in an entire weekend without somehow finding a way to be a 'debbie downer', and this weekend, I did, and it taught me that I am capable of actually being happy in the moment, without considering the bad, or my body, or the tiredness, or all of the things that I could have let hinder my ability to really experience these wonderful people.
After game time, we went on a walk all around the village, we saw pigs living in houses with people, puppies that haven't been cared for... houses with dirt floors and thatched roofs, but the best part about what we saw was happy happy people. People that look around them and see some of the most beautiful mountains in the world, they see the fog rise everymorning, they see their coffee plants in bloom, and their children growing well, and having chances that they didn't have, and they're happy. I'm not saying that these people aren't poor, God knows that they have nothing, but they have everything at the same time. Maybe simplicity is the key to a peaceful form of contentness, I don't know. But they amazed me. I saw one little girl tie her shoes to a string, and then another little girl chased them...
"what game is that? I've never seen that game"-me
"it's the tie your shoes to a string game" (little girls take off chasing their shoes) "it goes like that..." -Beth. We goofed off so much (despite the fact that someone had stolen beth's camera...) She was so good about that, meanwhile, I'm freaking out, checking little kids bags and telling thai people to ask kids things, and crying... Beth was just like "I'm going to NOT be upset about this." I was very proud of her... I would've been throwing a fit, which I kind of did anyway. Right before the walk around the village we planted trees. I loved my tree... it was a mango tree, and I hope that it grows LOTS of mangoes and that the village loves my mangoes best. ha.
After dinner and all of those things, some of the kids danced, and beth and I got asked to 'perform'. I sang a song, but couldn't stop cracking up the entire time, cause Beth was holding the mic...and Beth makes me laugh. Then BETH sang a song, ACCAPELLA in Thai! She was even reading it in Thai. Amazing. She did so well... I was so proud. Then they massaccred us with wilted flowers and these funny I LOVE YOU hearts. It was awesome. I'm pretty sure that Beth and I are the most spastic, goofy white girls to ever go to that village... they loved us. we were all OVER it man.














Saturday night we did Kareoke until about 2 am, just being complete retards, it was SO much fun. Then, I went to bed and Beth stayed up pondering life with monks... or pondering MARRYING a monk, *shrugs* I'd like to marry a few of them. But no touching, ever. NOOOO touchy.

uummm... is this my life? Cause, it's awesome.

I'm finding that the things you know will take the most out of you, are always the things that mean the most to you, and change you the most in the long run.

I am SO glad I live here.

Pictures from New Years Eve!!

That's me before I went out... by myself. Then the one below is me, and Bui, and a girl's funny hat.

















Above: Bui, Me, Debbie and Barb! I love love love this picture! mmmm.
This guy... haha, He's French... we asked him to take a picture of US, but he didn't quite understand, and turned around and took a picture of himself! hahaha. So funny. (Notice Debbie and I in "photo-pose" position behind him! hahaha. What a great night!






p.s. Today, after I had finished teaching, I picked up one of my favorite little girls, and pretended to steal her... and said in Thai "I'm taking this one home with me!" and all the kids were laughing, and the little girl was giggling and waving, and saying "Bye bye" to all of her classmates. hahaha! It was so cute... I wish I could really steal a few of them. I loooove them... when I don't hate them.
Oh! And also, I was trying to tell a teacher today that a little boy was smart... he's one of the 'bad' ones, that's really hyper and misbehaves a lot, but I SWEAR that he's really smart, though he doesn't seem it. But I couldn't remember the word for smart, so for like 5 minutes we talked about this boy, in Thai trying to figure out what I meant... but because of the little boy I was talking about she thought I was trying to say that he's hyper, and bad and doesn't listen or write or read well, but I was really trying to say that he's smart. So, I said "He thinks well..." hahaha... and then she got it and started CRACKING up and said "no no, he's BEAUTIFUL (because he really is one of the cuuuutest little boys ever) but, not smart... look at him" and she points at him, and he's jumping around on all fours, barking. Of course, I try to argue for the kid, and he's barking. haha... so funny. Bless his little soul. lol.

Just keeps getting better!

Last night I went to "North Gate" the jazz bar I mentioned before, and the old guy was there... AGAIN. This time, decked out in navy blue spandex. wow. I'm in love. I met Zoe, the girl from NJ that I mentioned that's super cool... I had fun. I was really tired, but not sleepy and wanted to be out, so I went and ended up having a really good time making fun of the very odd collection a jazz bar in Chiang Mai Thailand brings... haha. SO funny. I met a couple of new people, which was fun, and saw 2 50+ year old women doing nasty dancing, and wanted to barf, but couldn't cause it was funny... but weird and gross.
Then after going home early, cause I needed to go to bed, I was hyper so I couldn't sleep... naturally, so I got about 2 hours of sleep... but I'll sleep tonight, I think.

Today we took 300 5 years olds to the Chiang Mai zoo, and I was DREADING it cause I was so so so tired, but then I ended up having a wonderful day. wonderful.

Signs that you've had a good day while living in Thailand:

1. a Thai woman tells you you look thinner, which is a big deal, because Thai people think that all foreigners are obese...
2. Another Thai woman tells you that once your vocabulary gets better, you will sound like a Thai person when you speak Thai because your accent is excellent, and you're good at tones!! (which are SO hard.. SO HARD).
3. You ride on an open bus around a zoo with a really cute little boy in your lap, holding your left hand, while flicking the little girl on his right in the head.
4. you watch a seal show while holding a very tiny little girl, who plays with your ponytail and pokes you in the face.
5. You have another little girl sit in your lap all through the ENTIRE bird show, clapping your hands together, and putting them on her face to hide behind them...
6. A Thai teacher that doesn't speak any English says that You know a lot of Thai... and means it. The translation for what she said was something like "See! You're getting it!" because I figured out how to ask a question without asking someone how to say it... WHAT?
7. You get to take an hour and a half nap before visiting your lover at the gym... haha.
8. Then you have indian food with two very amusing Mormons that you haven't seen in 2 weeks!
9. Then your MOMMMMMMAAA calls! YAY!

good day, good day.

now, sleep, hoping for another one.. hehe.

Holidays + Revelations= Resolve.

Well, I will start at December. December was probably the longest month of my life. My only consistent friend in Thailand went back to America, so I was on my own. I got really depressed, lonely, I was to a point of just giving up... really. Christmas was okay, I didn't do much. I went to a co-teacher's house and had an okay time... laughed some. I was just so down. I was ready to quit. It got to the point where the weekend before Christmas was spent laying in my bed alternating between sobbing and sleeping, and watching the movie "Waitress" several times (awesome movie). So, I emailed a couple of my dear dear friends, asking them what I should do... they both said "you could come home, and NO one would fault you for it. You've tried..." One of them said that she never understood why I came here alone in the first place, and I realized then that I don't understand it either... I just HAD to. Then, the other one said "no one would fault you... but you would. You would hate yourself." And it was literally a sigh of relief to know that someone GETS that about me. I know that no one else would think I was a loser, or that I had failed... but I WOULD'VE haaaaated myself, to a point that I'm not sure I could've dealt with it. I said I was going to do this, and I am. So, that sunday, I spoke to my mom and she said "come home! Just COME HOME" and that's when the "stubborn bitch" in me kicked in, and I said to myself... "No, Paige, You said you were going to do this, and DAMN IT, you ARE. and you're going to LOVE it." So, I got on facebook and found some people, started sending out some emails just trying to make connections in Chiang Mai, which was good. I joined a gym, and have gone 3 times since the 1st... I came to a point where it was like "either hate this or love this, it's COMPLETELY up to you." and I think that was the biggest thing, realizing that for the first time in my life, I am completely in control. I am not in school, I don't live with anyone, no one is telling me to get up in the morning, no one is telling me to eat, or what decisions to make but ME. And THAT, my friends, is why I had to do this... because I needed to grow up, I needed to become my own person...still do.
The biggest breakthrough, though, was New Years eve. The people I was supposed to hang out with had said the night before "Yeah, we'll have a get together at our house, so just call us tomorrow." I sent a text message around 6 that evening (after laying in bed ALL day...) and asked if they needed me to bring anything... and I got in response "We're not having anything, we're a Pii A's (their friend) house, and everyone wants to stay here, so we're staying here." That's all... that's all I got, from the only two people that I know in Thailand... no "do you wanna come? Are you okay... we know you live COMPLETELY ALONE and are having a hard time?" nothing... so, I laid in my bed till about 7:30, Then got pissed off, and said "hell no. Get up. Get dressed, and damn it. Go OUT" So, that's what I did. I got pretty, and I went out. I wound up running into Bui, who helped with my study abroad here, and speaks fluent English in an Australian accent... she's absolutely lovely. Anyway, in crowds of, literally, THOUSANDS of people, she found me. She was out with 3 really really cool Australian people, and we ended up going to this bar called the "Rooftop" bar, because... it's a rooftop, and SWEET, and I met loads of people... including the people I hung out with last night... It was the BEST New Years eve, hands down. The BEST. I am so empowered, and proud of myself, I love it. I feel GOOD. So, after I got HOME that morning, haha, 3 am... I talked to a couple of people, and then my brother called me! We talked for awhile about what I had just done, and how I was proud of myself, and things he wanted me to bring him from Thailand, and all that... and THEN, he asked me if I would be the GODMOTHER of my niece that's coming in March!! AHHH! Happy New year! What else could I really want? really? I LOVE that little girl, and she's not even OUT yet! I'm so... honored... yeah. I didn't expect it, but I am so excited. I'm gonna be SUCH a sweet Aunt. Just WAIT. So, yes, definitely the best New years eve ever. Might not ever be beat... we'll see. (that picture is me and Rachel on the King's b-day, I don't have any New Years pictures, I'm trying to get them from my Australians! Soon Soon!!)
2008 Thus far:
Tuesday afternoon I went to the gym for the first time... and met my soulmate. His name is Thon, and he has no IDEA that he's my soulmate, but he will someday... when I get the nerve (and know how to say it in thai) to tell him. He is BEAUTIFUL. After that, I met up with a girl from New Jersey, named Zoe and had coffee and just talked for about 2 hours about life, really about ourselves, because we don't know each other. we met on my birthday, and have been meaning to get together just... haven't. Anyway, it was classic. Then a guy with a mullet named will, who I have named "will, the mullet master" from Louisiana started talking to us... and it was funny, because we were both like "What....? You have a mullet." lol. That was great. Then that evening I met up with Bui and the Aussies again, and had a grand time eating Indian food and chatting.
Thursday night, I met up with a woman named Karen, at the UN Irish pub for "quiz night" she's one of the people I found on Facebook. She is wonderful... wonderful. She's English, but is married to a Thai man, and has lived here for 4 years. She's in her late 30s, but she's WONDERFUL. She gave me a pep talk after everyone had left for the night, and I cried a little, and she was okay with that... and I NEEDED someone to be okay with that. She told me that I can do this, and that it IS hard, and not to beat myself up so much. And I needed someone that has DONE this to say that. It was great.
So, this is the funniest part... Last night I went out with this couple I met on New Years Eve... Tony and Eliza, and their friend Jake... Anyway, we went to this Jazz bar, and, oh I wish I had it on tape. You guys would CRAP. Okay, we go and it's a guitar and a guy playing sax, both Thai... both UNBELIEVABLY good musicians. Like, amazing, and there's this like, 65 year old thai man sitting in the corner wearing a black t-shirt, tucked IN to black spandex and a black like, fisherman hat. He's got shoulder length frizzy black with gray mixed in hair, he's playing the bongos, wind-chimes, bells and naturally, the triangle... and he's absolutely WASTED... so, during one of the jams, he stops playing his wind-chimes, and grabs the microphone and just starts RAMBLING in drunk Tinglish, it went on for about a half hour, and may have been the funniest thing I have EVER seen in my life... at one point he says "I'm an oldie... an OLLLLDIE..." and then does that old man drunk laugh and says "An oldie but goodie" and does a subtle pelvic thrust, and then he started going on about how we all should... "You should go you own waaay.. go you own way. I go my, you go you own too. I'm an oldie, but I got soul" and then he throws up a peace sign and goes back to his wind-chimes. hahahahaha. I was LOSING it. Also, while he was doing this, the guitarist kept playing, but the Sax player found this like, bird whistle, and was doing that, and then going over the wind chimes and the bells... oh my gosh. It was seriously PRICELESS. I wish I had it on tape, but I've lost my charger.
Okay, so after this we go to this Reggae Bar, where there's a band that consists of a lead singer/guitarist, who is a very very FAT Thai man with a massive afro, I mean, he probably hides poodles in it. It was HUGE, and he was a horrible singer, and a Thai bassist, who looks so Mexican, for a moment I thought I had moved to Mexico. He was short, wearing a blue-jean jacket with fur on the collar and he had shoulder length, GORGEOUS like, jet-black hair. Anyway, at one point this extremely tall Russian man stands up an dis like flailing all over the place, he was emaciated skinny, and looked SOOO funny. Anyway, it was priceless.
So, at the end of the night, after sitting and talking to these three HYSTERICAL people for hours, Jake and I decide to go to this burger joint, where I got a bowl of chilli that I couldn't finish because it was too damn spicy. Anyway, we're walking there, and this prostitute says "hey big boy" to Jake, who is like, so skinny... and girly. But, this prostitute was what they call in Thai, a KAtouey, which is a man that has a sex change and becomes a woman. They're SUPER common here, so "she" was like, bigger than Jake, and it made me really sad. Then later I saw "her" hitting on this old white, fat, man and walking away. *sigh*
So, anyway, We're sitting there eating and we hear this loud CRASH, and I get up and run over, and there's this old man (probably 70) who has crashed his motorbike into the curb because he was SO drunk that he fell asleep, and STAYED asleep on the ground, in the middle of traffic. I know, you're probably thinking "he probably passed out" but no, We were able to wake him. I tried to tell him in Thai that he shouldn't drive anymore, but the two Thai guys helping me just looked at me like I had done something horribly wrong, but in a sweet way... like "she's just trying to be nice" look, but, "no, don't say that", because there's this whole STUPID Asian idea of "saving face" which means you can't look incapable, or like you can't do anything, especially for older men, and young women CERTAINLY do not tell older men that they shouldn't do ANYTHING. So, it was bad, but the man could've died. Anyway, that was a 30 minute episode. A SCARY thing, I tell you. Scary. So, THEN, I go back to my chilli, and this obnoxious bunch of whiteys come over, 2 irish guys and 2 American girls and this one irishman is going on about drinking whiskey with a dead snake in the bottle, and pulls a tiny whiskey bottle with a snake in it and slams it down on the table.. .and starts going on about how it's good for the sex drive, and about the size of his penis. Meanwhile, I'm thinking "You probably have the TIIIINIEST penis ever, if you have to go on about it in front of complete strangers, who obviously couldn't care LESS about your penis" anyway, after we left, I looked back,and this Irishman was sitting in my seat, eating my half eaten, spicy ass chilli. haha. Then I went home, and went to bed. That's my whole night... ohhhh Thailand.
So, life is looking good these days. I'm working out... I'm meeting people, making friends, laughing... and I am LOVING my life, absolutely LOVING it. I'm teaching more now, so I'm making lesson plans, and I will write more on that later, because, well, this is CRAZY long.

life. is. beautiful. ... I just forgot for a bit.

Oh, Thai Babies!!!

Well, I guess it's been quite a while since I wrote on this thing, so maybe it's time for an update, eh? Well, I'm living in Chiang Mai and teaching Kindergarten English. So far, things have been kind of slow, I don't really do that much. I'm a 'shadow' to one of the kindgarten teachers, and have been feeling pretty useless... I just watch. Which is good, I've been learning a lot about how to teach young children, and I get lots of hugs, and the kids say good morning to me every morning, and they're all SOOOOO cute, but I just wish I could do my own thing sometimes.
For awhile, the homesickness was REALLY bad (most of my trip, actually...) and I was being a completely different person. Someone I didn't know I was capable of being, and though I have fond memories of the past 3 months, I realize that for most of it, I was a very very different person... I wasn't the person I want to be, nor was I the person that most people KNOW me to be. So, that was hard... but now I'm feeling a LOT more like myself, laughing a lot more, starting to feel comfortable being here. It's starting to feel like home, and that's a good feeling. I'm learning my way around, getting more familiar with the area and such. I rented a motorcycle for a week, and have been driving that around, though I haven't explored as much as I wish I had, I have gone further than I usually would, and hopefully tomorrow before I return it, I'll get to the mall and the grocery store, so I know how to get there without calling a taxi! I'm planning on buying a motorcycle after a couple of paychecks! WHAAAAT!?!??! haha. So cool.
Sunday was what's called "Sports day" for my school, so they rent out this MASSIVE stadium, and they have cheer leaders, and drummers and crazy costumes and... it's INSANE, and they race, they have relay races and 800 meter races and, it's nuts. I thought I was going to hate being there, but it was actually kind'a fun to watch them all... they are SOOOOO fast! It's unreal. I was NEVER fast like that... haha. I was like the slow kid that always got picked last in gym class. But they're ALL fast!
So, as of now, things are going well. I'm learning. I spend a LOT of time alone, which I'm starting to be okay with... I think. I get frustrated all the time because I haven't been trying very hard with my Thai, because it's so hard... and so much easier just to speak English, and speak to English speaking people... which is stupid, because I'm in THAILAND, and I love Thai people, I'm just afraid of looking like a moron, maybe? I don't know.
I got asked to start tutoring two Korean kids this month, which is really exciting... and kind of scary! I've never tutored anyone, so, we'll see how that goes. But, I think it will be good for me! I'll have something to WORK on, and work for. I'm also in charge of the next 2 weeks lesson plans, Winter, and Air. But, I really only have to do 2 lesson plans, because one of them will be handwriting, so I don't have to plan much for that... just make them write a C, and color a car. Anyway, I'm in about knee deep so far. Part of me wishes that I could've just dived in, but maybe taking it slow is better in the long run. It's really given me the opportunity to observe someone that knows what they're doing, and to note things I like about the way she does things... and things I will want to do differently. And that's important. I wouldn't have known where to start... but now, I'm ready to get going on SOMETHING.
I think this week I'll buy a bicycle, because this whole weight loss thing just isn't happening! haha. Thailand has become a lot more "westernized" than it was when I was here before. Actually, I think I just lived in a less touristy area before... I have access to ice cream, starbucks, all of it is like a 10 minute walk away, so naturally, I walk it. haha. But, I will do better, I have to. HAVE to.
Alright, I miss you all, but it doesn't hurt as much anymore, which is good. Write me though? Okay.

Just some pictures...

Monkey on my LEG!!!
And my first day as a teacher... a HOT teacher... haha. The rest of these pictures are just dancing, good times, laughing and one from the top of a BEAUTIFUL temple in Krabi that I'm quite proud of!









Things are good... I will write more later, but I'm homesick lately, seeing as how my birthday is monday. It's just a really lonely time, that's all. BUT, I'm doing my best to have a blast, and succeeding for the most part. I hope all of you are doing well. I miss you all, every single day.