Sometimes Bombs Fall Quietly...

I'd be downsizing this whole experience if I said I haven't learned anything. I learned that sometimes being stubborn is a good quality, survivors are stubborn, lovers are stubborn... I'm pretty sure that most people are stubborn, actually.
I came to a foreign country completely alone, as many do, and I have made friends. I have made good friends. I've pushed my limits. I've bungee jumped. I've kayaked through canyons and mangroves in the ocean, and had a monkey on my leg trying to steal my peanuts. I've taught. I've completely pushed my comfort zones. I've learned (KIND OF) a language that the majority of Americans will never even come in contact with. I have befriended monks (that I haven't seen in months! I'm a bad person...) I have learned to drive a manual "motorcycle", and owned one. I have eaten friend beetles. I haven't been cold in a year. I have a permanent farmer's tan. I've befriended people that I would never have even MET, or thought existed had I not done this.
I have lived alone. I have been lonely, truly truly lonely, and I have forced myself to find a solution to that. I have been truly truly depressed, truly truly sick, truly truly tired of this and I have pushed through it. I have loved this country. I have hated this country. I have loved my ability to push through things, and I have hated it.

With that said, it is people that make the place... and sometimes the place that makes the people. Luckily, for me, I have many friends that have made this place awesome for me... and I have this place that has made me change.

Over the past month, I've been struggling with the decision to come home, and in the end, have decided that my time here is coming to an end. I need to face my life and responsibilities at home. I need to be doing something more useful, as gratifying is this is, I need something more. Something more challenging and all-consuming. I have decided to leave my loves here, my life here, and head home! I'm both sad, scared and excited, but it's time. Sometimes you have to move on, and this was never permanent... sort of like my year long tan-lines. They were never meant to stay forever. I am not meant to be in Thailand forever, as much as I love it.

So, I'll see you all in November!

What if I wanted to break?

Well, I feel like most of this blog has been spent on the positive side of this whole "living abroad thing", and I felt that maybe I should put an honest, raw, "I'm homesick" entry in.. because it happens. A lot of the time, I'm so glad that I'm here, I can see the growth in myself the more I push through this extremely difficult experience, but sometimes I really just...

want to go home. I miss my bed, my comforter. I miss baths. I miss always understanding what people are saying. I miss radio stations. I miss knowing what the food is at a market, or restaurant. I miss hugs. I miss southern accents. I miss my niece and my family. I miss having people that really... really care about me. Honestly, I just miss being comfortable. Completely comfortable. I miss having everything readily accessible. I miss knowing that if I go through a stop light, the likelihood is that I won't get hit... I miss not getting soaked with sweat/rain every time I decide to go somewhere. I miss so much, but I'm trying to remember why I came abroad, and why I have decided to stay for 11 more months... maybe someone could refresh my memory? please.

Hope you're all well! Take care.

Sepia toned lovin...

These last few weeks have been a complete blur of FANTASTIC Friday and Saturday nights with people that are growing dearer and dearer to me every minute!


Apart from some turmoil at work, which I'm coping with in the best way I know how, and a cold and weird eye infection thing, things have been pretty darn good! First, let me start with my employment situation: I quit. The friday before last, I was virtually fed up with everything, and then to top it off, one of the older Thai teachers made it evident that she was certain that I could not teach, she yelled at me in front of the students, which made me "lose face", which basically means that none of the kids will respect me anymore, not that they did in the first place. Anyway, I didn't go back that afternoon (I don't have afternoon classes anyway, so it doesn't matter that much), I then over the weekend developed a cold, so Monday I called off... and Tuesday... and Wednesday... and the more I thought about it, the more I dreaded ever going back again. So, Thursday I went in and talked to my AMAZING boss and gave him my letter of resignation. I have been miserable at this job the entire time, just didn't want to admit it.
Now, tomorrow I have an interview at another school teaching first grade, which won't be that different, but I think the work environment as a whole will be much better. It's kind of like my last job was practice for a job that might appreciate me... if I get it. I have to teach 3 more days at Anuubaan Chiang Mai, which I am not looking forward to, but at least I'll get to say goodbye to the teachers that I like and wish I wasn't leaving, I just had to admit to myself that I was unhappy at my job, and now I'm going to move on and it's going to be good for me, I think.

So, on a happier note (and there is a MUCH happier note), LAST weekend, my friend Angie and I did a cooking course that was SO much fun! I now know how to make Tam Kah, Cashew chicken, Panang Curry and Pad Thai (that I burned... lol). It was a BLAST though! And the guy that was teaching us, his name was Prem, was hysterically funny, he kept making the most ridiculous jokes and laughing SO hard at them that, though they weren't funny, you had to laugh at how funny he thought they were. lol. The picture is of us doing what this funny little man, Prem, called "Adventure cooking", which basically means setting things on fire and trying not to burn your arms off...



Yesterday, 5 of my lovely friends and I did something called "The Flight of the Gibbon", which is basically just zip lining through the jungle for 4 hours... it was SOOOO much fun.



At one point, I was going on the biggest one, and freaked out, so I decided I would put my break on, thinking I was going to slam into a tree. This picture was taken RIGHT before "the incident..."

I ended up ALMOST making it to the platform on the other side, and then just drifting right back into the middle! hahahaha. It was so funny... so funny that my friend David felt the need to write a small anecdote describing the scene:

"Paige glided through the cool afternoon far above the lush verdure of northern Thailand. Green was all around her and below her. The pulley holding her tight to the zip-line purred as the oiled wheels raced along the thick cable. As the platform got closer, she felt her speed was too great to make a graceful landing. She put the bamboo brake to the cable and pulled down hard. "Perfect," she thought, "I'll just glide right in." Just as she approached the platform, with the large sweating Thai man hands outstretched, she felt her stomach drop. Her feet came with in an inch of the platform, almost grazing it, before she felt herself come to a complete stop. For a split second she hung there in the air; the wind and the sounds of the jungle fell silent. Then the whirr of the pulley and the sensation of falling backwards. She had missed."

Anyway, I love you and miss you all and hope you're well. Things here are good, apart from the whole work thing, but that will be sorted soon, I hope. x

Spilled her coffee, Broke a shoe lace...

Hey guys! Well, today, I had the worst day one could possibly imagine, and it's not even that it was that bad... it was really just the way I TOOK it that was bad. Anyway, I was having the worst morning, teachers were treating me like crap, I've been sick and not sleeping so I didn't handle that well, the kids wouldn't shut up for 2 seconds so that I could teach and then I got yelled at because what I was doing was "too much work" it was 2 COLORING sheets, y'all. Seriously?
Anyway, I was about 2 breaths from walking out, quitting and saying "you know, I tried, but I just can't do it", and as I was standing there, watching all of these 5 year olds that swear they "can't do" anything, write their names in English, and write the alphabet and then connect the dots from A-B-C-D... you get it, I was still thinking "I suck. I suck at this. What the hell am I doing?" A little boy named Yok, one of the smartest kids I have, and cutest, ran up to me, and wrapped his little arms around me (or attempted to, his arms didn't fit around me, cause I'm a massive massive human here... haha) and just held on to me for about 3 minutes.
I'm still not convinced that I can do this. I'm still pretty sure that I'm horrible at it, and the teachers will all be relieved when I split, but Yok convinced me to stay, at least for Monday.
Kids are wonderful... I wish I could've stayed like that. Seeing my teacher looking down so, without words I just run up to her and hug her until she smiles.

This love branches out like an Oak tree...

Hello allllll! Well, things here in Chiang Mai are going fairly well these days! I started teaching again on Tuesday, and this week was SO LONG. It seriously seemed like it would never end, but it did, with a great sigh of relief. I lived. I'm trying to be better this year, but I already see myself falling into old patterns... leaving for lunch and taking naps. lol. BUT, I suppose that as long as I'm teaching, and I'm there when I have class, and appear to care, it doesn't really matter that much. Most of my kids are scared of me, and when I speak to them they just stare up at me blankly like "wow, you're a very big... very white.. monster." It's kind of amusing, but after 300 of them, it just gets old. I DO have a funny teaching story for you all... it won't be as funny on here as it was in real life, but it's just so amazing that I feel I have to share.
Friday, I was teaching "What is your name?" "my name is...." And the way I was teaching this was to have the kids sit in a big circle, and roll a ball to each other, and whoever got the ball had to answer me. I tried getting them to say "What is your name?" but they just stared at me blankly like I was a big white idiot. So, I rolled with it. Anyway, there were 2 little boys being a particular disruption... wrestling, kicking, pretending to be ninjas, etc. Which is all well and good, but for the sake of the class, I had to be the mean teacher and separate them... After about 3 minutes separated, I looked over at one of the little boys and he was holding his wrist up to his mouth and talking into it, like he had some secret walkie talkie device embedded in his wrist... I mean, he was into it. I'm almost certain that if I could've heard him he would've been talking about some secret mission to escape and saying 10:4 that Roger, over. THEN, I look over at the other little boy... and he's holding his wrist up to his ear and shaking his head like he can hear what the other little boy is saying.
This went on through the entire class, and I couldn't stop them because it was just so funny. I was like... wow. I wish I was still a kid.


Tuesday night I played my first little "show" in Chiang Mai,which was basically just a small gathering, and random people that wandered in.

It was good fun, good to see friends. And to see their reactions to my songs that most of them didn't even know I wrote. In Chiang Mai, I have kept my music a complete secret. But, I suppose the secret's out now, so, here goes nothin'!

Typical of me before I play a first show, I wasn't in the best of moods but I think that was okay, I got some pretty good responses. I've made some pretty awesome friends in this lovely city. I like them. They're funny.


I can't really think of much else worth saying right now, I'm doing okay. I miss friends at home, and hugs. I really miss hugs. And my familia, of course, but most of the time I am perfectly happy here. I have been getting restless for the next thing though, which is bad because, well, that won't come till October when I go to Laos! This next 6 months is gonna be SO sweet though. Just watch...

Comfortable, like rain on Sundays...

Hello friends!Here is a picture that my sister-in-law sent me of my BEAUTIFUL niece, Audrey... who is smiling now! I can't believe it. I'm so bummed that I'm not there to actually see her smile before she gets teeth, haha. I love the little toothless smiles, and fat rubber-band rolls on babies, and I'm missing that part. Oh well.




Well, the past two weeks have been an absolute blur of insanity! I STILL haven't unpacked! I finally started working again, but the kids won't actually come back until Tuesday, so I've been preparing (or pretending to and trying to get things sorted for school. I'm ready to have something to do other than socialize and drink. (Though I am having fun.) It's time to do something least vaguely useful.


That picture is me and my friend Eliza, who has actually become one of my best friends... she leaves soon and I'm going to be a MESSSSSS. (This happens entirely too often here!) But at least I know I have one friend from this place that will be my friend for a very very long time!



Above: Lawrence, me, Angie and Rachel! Last saturday night when we weren't supposed to be drinking, we hid out in this bar called "Selly Freedom Bar", where Eliza and Tony current (and me too, lately) and celebrated Eliza's birthday! So much fun!


My favorites.

I'm having a blast, meeting loads of new people, and finding that life really doesn't have to be such a fight. It's marvelous. Now, I need to unpack! Catch ya later, when I have something more interesting to say! Peace!

Shady's back, tell a friend...

After 6 weeks in the states, I am BACK in Thailand! WOOOHOOO! I had a blast at home. I went all over the dang place! I started in Reading (pronounced REDing, like the past tense of 'read'... get it?) Then to Baltimore to see missy higgins, and 3 of my FAVORITE people! Amazing. Then to Philly, then to Florida to see my college roomies! Then to Arkansas for 3 weeks where I got to meet Audrey, who was stubborn for awhile, I was actually afraid she might not come out! But she did, and she's perfect. Got to hang out with my Grandma and see my friends, and deal with lots of drama that I prefer to avoid, but it was still so good to be there! Then I flew up to Detroit to Surprise my friend Allison for her BIRTHDAY (what a BLAST)... and then back to PA, to NYC and to Philly! Not to mention 8 trips to harrisburg/ Mechanicsburg! Man, the last 2 weeks in PA were insane as well.

• I have a BEAUTIFUL new niece, Audrey Hart. She's perfect.
• I have a BEAUTIFUL Pseudo-Niece, Daphne Belle. She's perfect too.
• I have so many amazing people in my life, it's overwhelming sometimes.

I really did love being home.

• BUT America is too expensive, too uptight and they give you entirely too much food. All the time! (I gained 5lbs!)

it's good to be back where it's warm. (Or Fraaaacking hot!) Wait for updates of new adventures...

coming soooooooon: promise.